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26 and I Don't Feel Young Anymore

I turned 26 earlier in July and the weeks since have been the first time in my life I haven't felt young. The timing wasn't convenient, but perhaps it was related to the sense of panic I had, the urge to merge, the feeling time was running out to get hitched. Maybe. The panic is calmed, I've purged the urge, and what was the obsession again with wanting to get married in such a hurry?

Still, I don't feel young.

When I was in the 6th or 7th grade my class wrote a paper about what we thought the best age of our life would be. Little did I realize when I wrote the essay, half the age I am now, I was setting the stage for my second identity crisis by saying that my 26th year would be the best of my life. I wrote that, at 26, I would be out of college for several years and financially secure, the resources in place to charge full ahead toward life's goals.

I'm right on schedule, and that's the problem. The issue is not that I fell short of my goals, but that my goals fell short of me. I think a few unidentified goal pieces are needed to complete the picture.

Enter the identity crisis. In the senior year of college I had my first crisis when deciding on a career path. Resolving it required the introspection to recognize the difference between what I and others had always told myself I wanted and what I really wanted to be. Medicine or computers? I chose the latter (twice) and haven't looked back since. This second crisis involves deciding what I want from life. The identity_crisis object class has been extended.

I may not get this second crisis worked out for a while, and when I do I still may not feel young, but age won't matter anymore when the crisis is solved.

:: Bryan Travis :: 07/31/2001 @ 03:41 :: [link] ::
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:: Bryan Travis :: 07/28/2001 @ 16:17 :: [link] ::
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