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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I submitted my resignation to my employer Wednesday. Now I can publicly announce my one and a half year secret. You can't share everything on your weblog, because weblog posts tend to ruin the element of surprise and pretty much foil any plans you have to leave your employer in a year to change careers, especially if your readers include co-workers. To wit:

In January 2003 I set a goal to become a pharmacist and began planning for pharmacy school. I've been dying to weblog about that decision and the year-long application process, but if my employer discovered my plans to attend pharmacy school, they might assume I was planning to leave. Any attempt to maintain plausible deniability would have been a long shot.

Not a day went by without at least a fleeting thought of my eventual resignation. Some days I longed for it when work was frustrating and got the best of me. Some days it seemed impossibly distant in the future, unreachable. Still other days, I couldn't imagine what life would be like after GE.

You can think about something from a lot of angles when it's on your mind every day for over 500 days. That's plenty of time to ponder the pros and cons many times over. If the pros consistently outweigh the cons on the best days, the so-so days, the typical days, and even the worst days, then you emerge from that one and half year limbo on the day you plan to resign confident that you're making the right decision.

Nevertheless, thoughts of the resignation meeting, of looking my manager in the eye as I told him, were the source of considerable worry and fret. As the day approached, the stress mounted to the point where, about a week ago, my stomach ached daily. I couldn't have gone through with it had it not been for those 500 days of thinking and waiting.

It seemed there was no turning back in December and January when the pharmacy school applications slipped out of my fingers and fell to the bottom of the mailbox. It seemed there was no turning back when I called the pharmacy schools and identified myself by name when confirming and scheduling interviews in February. It seemed there was no turning back when the acceptance letters arrived in February and March. It seemed there was no turning back when Rachel and I signed our names on the very last dotted line when buying our house in late May.

But only now, only after resigning, is it no longer my choice, and I'm scared shitless, because there really is no turning back. I think as if my whole world revolves around my relationship with my employer, and now that it's definitely ending very soon, it's as if everything has been turned upside down. Seems crazy, does it not?

That first step is a doozy.

More to come...

:: Bryan Travis :: 06/16/2004 @ 01:06 :: [link] ::
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Announcement Thursday

The June 15 announcement will be a June 17 announcement, instead.

:: Bryan Travis :: 06/15/2004 @ 12:09 :: [link] ::
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