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Passed

Well, I made it - passed the boards and am now a pharmacist. Everyone passes, so passing the boards is nothing miraculous in and of itself, but it's the getting here, the four year journey, that makes the accomplishment.

It would be nice if I could relax, but such is my personality, that I always worry. Tackle one thing, and transfer the anxiety to something else. Pass an exam, then worry about the final. Get all the coursework behind me, then worry about rotations. Finish rotations and graduate, then worry about boards. Pass boards, then worry about being human and making a simple order entry error that seriously harms someone.

On the subject of order entry, I dream about inputting orders. Regularly. I never dreamed about my job at GE. I'd dream about the people there, but never about doing my work. In my order entry dreams, I'm simply inputting medication orders scanned down from the hospital units. They are not nightmarish -- I don't make mistakes, nothing bad happens, I don't worry -- so I'm not transferring my anxieties about making an error into them. Order entry requires concentration and critical thinking, but the workflow itself is repetitive. I'm not sure if it's the concentration, the repetitiveness, or both, that causes the dreaming. And it's not just me -- several other pharmacists dream about it, as well.

Our daughter is three months old. Time flies. She's almost doubled her weight. She tracks movement, makes eye contact and smiles, makes increasingly complex vocalizations over time, and has started grasping objects with intent.

It's fascinating to watch an infant develop her consciousness. When they're born, the senses aren't integrated. A couple weeks ago, she didn't realize her hands were under her control and capable of manipulating objects in her field of vision. She still doesn't realize the causal relationship between her sense of touch and physical contact. As she learns these concepts, she's not only forming her conscious awareness, but also her worldview, her perception of reality. Being able to hear food cook, smell it, see it, taste it, and realize all that sensory input is coming from the same object isn't something she can do. She's only beginning to realize one object can affect multiple senses, and that she can integrate the different senses to broaden her understanding of the world around her.

I love watching her start to put it all together, and I photograph or record every new activity that suggests she's developing a new awareness or skill.

:: Bryan Travis :: 07/17/2008 @ 01:32 :: [link] ::
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