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"The fascination outweighs the annoyance"
- Volvita: Girl Enigma

Hi. I'm Bryan Travis, purveyor of the fine crap found on funtongue.org. I'm a 31 year old dude living in Lexington, Kentucky. I worked in Information Technology for a multinational conglomerate for seven years. But I had dreams... crazy dreams, and now, for better or worse, I'm a fourth year pharmacy student. Even crazier, I might actually make it!

When I write an "About" page, I fill it with lies and extraneous absurdities, a skill well honed by countless admissions essays and an MBA education. Like the back cover of a book, my "About" page will stop at nothing to entice and pique your curiosity. You have been warned. Consider reading the weblog, instead; it's guaranteed to bore you to death, but don't worry, because you have another lifetime on the way.


  • What is a "funtongue scatterplot"?

    I dunno - probably nothing. But so many have asked... I feel obliged to fabricate something. The human brain is deluged with a constant onslaught from the senses, more than it can weave into the framework of our consciousness. To cope, our brains evolved a knack for spotting patterns. We like things to have meaning and purpose, but sometimes it's just randomness - there is no pattern, it means nothing. There are some who find meaning in knowing whether or not things have meaning. They beat the system with metameaning - the meaning of meaning and meaninglessness. They use scatterplots.

  • Musical Interests

    Alternative & Popular: 3 Doors Down, 311, 4 Non Blondes, Joseph Arthur, Ani DiFranco, Average White Band, Barenaked Ladies, The Be Good Tanyas, Beatles, Bela Fleck, Ben Folds Five, Blues Traveler, Bowling for Soup, Brave Combo, Bush, Cake, Coldplay, Elvis Costello, The Cranberries, CCR, Jim Croce, Laura Dawn, Devo, Digby, Dirty Vegas, Nick Drake, Erasure, Foo Fighters, Al Green, Green Day, G'n'R, John Wesley Harding, Hot Hot Heat, Indigo Girls, J. Geils Band, Jack Johnson, The Killers, The Kinks, Avril Lavigne, Lisa Loeb, Low Millions, Ashley Kirsty MacColl, MacIsaac, Aimee Mann, John Mayer, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Jason Mraz, No Doubt, Old 97's, Presidents of the USA, Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Sixpence None the Richer, Smashing Pumpkins, The Smiths, Jill Sobule, Mazzy Star, Gwen Stefani, Strawberry Alarm Clock, Sublime, The Sundays, Talking Heads, Third Eye Blind, Velvet Underground, Verve, Verve Pipe, Violent Femmes, Rufus Wainwright, Wilco, Pete Yorn, Led Zeppelin

    Ambient: Anything that makes for good "room tone"

    Classical: Bach, Biber, Boccherini, Chopin, Handel, Satie, Strauss, Verdi, Vivaldi

    Folk/Folksy-ish: Sarah Harmer, Josh Rouse, Loudon Wainwright III

    Funk & Soul: Hot Chocolate, Karl Douglas, Roberta Flack, Jean Knight, Ohio Players, Jackie Wilson

    Hip-Hop/Reggae: Ludacris, Shaggy

    Indie: Frente!, Hem, The Human Heads, The Librarians, King Missile, the notwist

    Jazz & Blues: Herb Alpert, Miles Davis, Al Hirt, Diana Krall, Norah Jones, Furry Lewis, Lou Rawls, Otis Redding, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Zoot Sims

    Lounge: De-Phazz, Dimitri from Paris

    Misc. Instrumental: French Accordian Classics, Kraftwerk, Mark Mothersbaugh, Carlos Nakai, Penguin Cafe Orchestra, Tann Tiersen

    Miscellaneous: Brave Combo, Serge Gainsbourg, Tom Lehrer, Paris Combo, Edith Piaf, John Prine, Schoolhouse Rock, Frank Sinatra, Southern Culture on the Skids, They Might Be Giants, Tom Waits, Weird Al Yankovic

    Punk: Blink 182, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Ramones, Refreshments, Sum 41

  • Bryan Travis likes...

    Latte and Meet the Press on Sunday mornings.

    Driving his Prius in sock feet.

    The lingering scent of rosemary on his fingertips.

    Hearing from long-lost friends.

    Venus Flytraps ensnaring prey.

    Wrapping up in a clean, warm blanket from the dryer on cold, winter mornings.

    Rescuing earthworms from sidewalks on hot, summer mornings.

    Knowing there is a song to capture every emotion.

    Upside down stamps.

    Gardening.

    Making desserts.

  • Bryan Travis dislikes...

    Saying goodbye.

    George Bush and Supreme Court appointments...

    ... and the way he says "America" like "Amurricuh"...

    ... and the way he says "nuclear" in two syllables.

    Spiders.

    Crawling in the crawlspace (see previous entry).

    Losing his hair.

    Infomercials.

    Religions that promote intolerance.

    His own intolerance and prejudices.

    Having to be anywhere at 8:00am.

    When uniqueness leaves him feeling alienated.

  • You are a very strange dude, Bryan Travis, and I would be most alarmed should you attempt to reproduce. Do you have a mate?

    My animal personality is the Bat, which puts it rather succinctly: "bats are enamored with the idea of love more than they are with its colder realities." I'm mulling over that one. Based on previous experiences, I suspect there may be more than a little truth here. But I am most decidedly not goth and firmly believe the sexiest lipsticks are healthy shades of red. Update: Bat married July 10, 2004... colder realities be damned.

  • Oh, so you're into personality tests and putting people in boxes. What's your Meyers-Brigg personality type?

    Not really. I see everything in shades of gray - there is no such thing as a black and white situation - so I can hardly believe there are 16 personalities for 6.1+ billion people, but a well-designed personality test can reveal some thought-provoking insights.

    I'm an INFP. Among other things, this tells me I'm not well-suited to working in a corporate business environment and may find a better fit as a writer or in the healthcare field.

    Little known fact: I graduated Valedictorian of my high school class and received the creative writing award. The poet laureate of my hometown waited for me after the ceremony and asked why I didn't want to pursue a writing career. "I'd love to write," was my reply, "but couldn't make a living doing it." The career I had chosen to pursue? Pre-med and chemistry... but that didn't work out, either. Corporate America was the only one who'd have me. Our poet laureate battled depression throughout her life, and several years later she committed suicide. I often regret the lost opportunity and not being able to speak with her today.